First post.

The number of "first posts" I've had is probably astronomical. Woot for the internet.

Sooooooooo.. this is me:
20 years old.
A cancer.
Kentuckian.
College student.
Advertising major.
Design and textile merchandising minor.
Server at the Buffalo.
Boyfriend's lover.

..that's.. me in a nutshell. Just taking it day by day and hoping I make it through.

(Yes.. vagueness, details, maybe later..)

So, it's nearly 5:30am and I've been working since about 3:30am trying to get bullshit trojan horses out of my computer.. AND I SUCCEEDED! ..and I am proud of myself. In all actuality I accidentally stumbled on the cure. The trojan horse was actually a scheduled something that went off every hour, all I had to do was delete all the schedulings. ..I stumbled on it, but at least I found it, give me some credit. My friend Alex told me to run my anti-virus stuff in Safe Mode and it still didn't find anything. Long rambling short, I'm glad I figured it out without having to enlist the help of the technology department.. they were my next resort. ..so I guess whoever put that in my computer just wanted to annoy me.

At nearly 6am, when I don't have class the next day.. and I'm waiting for a virus scan on my computer to complete.. my mind drifts.. and I think a lot.. about a lot of stuff. I'm so specific, I know.

But, anyway, earlier tonight I was talking to my cousin, and the conversation went something like this:

Her: I'm going to drop out.
Me: Why..?
Her: Because I can't afford it.
Me: ..get loans?
Her: I won't be able to pay them off.
Me: You don't have to pay for them until you graduate.
Her: Well, I won't have the money then.. and I don't want my husband to have to pay for it.

..WTFBBQ?!? ..yeah, I just did that. But, I was seriously like.. what the fuck? My own cousin is merely going to college for that "Mrs" degree. What the hell is the point in going to college if you're only going to find a mate, who is apparently going to support you all on his own, because you are more than slightly old fashioned. I mean, hooray for you if you come to college and find the person you want to be with for the rest of your life.. but.. if you're seriously coming to college for the sole purpose of finding someone to marry, don't waste your money, you'll never do anything with the degree.. so why bother getting it?

I mean, she's mentioned it before, but I never knew she was the 1950s style, I raise the children and my husband supports us, type of mindset. If she had a boyfriend who she had been with at least a year or two, I would be a little more eased into her decision.. er.. understand her a little better.. but, this girl, has never had a boyfriend. And does not have the prospect of one. And she thinks she's going to marry someone and not work a day in her life. Right.

Get real. This is 2008. The economy is shit.. and the starting wage, if you're lucky, for most entry level positions is around 20-25 thousand. ..I tell her that, she tells me, well.. I don't need much, just an apartment and some food.. maybe a car. Get. Real.

She has lived a sheltered life.. her mom, my aunt, is very materialistic, and she can say she's not going to need that much as much as she wants, but my cousin is also materialistic.. covered in American Eagle labels.

..have I mentioned.. she doesn't even have a boyfriend? ..she's just crazy, it's her life.. but, she's very convinced in this mindset.. and I feel like I need to slap some sense into her or involve some outside help. I was talking to her friend and she says this has been my cousins mindset for at least 5 years now.

For someone like me to think about the future and stuff.. in the sense.. of.. things.. future.. whatnot.. well.. it's a little more realistic. However, unlike my cousin, in my scenario.. I, of course, want to work.. I want to be a successful career woman.. I'm not going to rely on a man for money. There is a reason I am killing myself in college right now. ..and I want to live in.. Ohio.. or Indiana.. or Tennessee.. maybe Illinois.. and work at an advertising agency, churning out fantastic creations on a daily basis. Or maybe be an advertising account executive, that also looks appealing to me. But I certainly do not even believe in the concept of stay at home mom. Christ, I want to do something with my life. I would kill myself if I had to be cooped up somewhere all day by myself with a screaming thing, ugh. Maybe one day I might want to be a "mommy" but that day is far off. My career is coming first, hence going to college.

End rant.. I think I've managed to go way, way off topic.