The final stretch.

Here it is. The last official week of classes of the Fall 2008 semester. 2009 is soon upon us.. a mere 31 days away. Three Monday, Wednesday, Friday classes. A mere two Tuesday, Thursdays. This time next year I will hopefully only be a few weeks and a semester away from graduating college. Graduating. College. Wow. I think for now I should focus on passing the current ones. The only class that worries me is Macroeconomics at this point. Astronomy and World Geography will unfortunately be Cs or Ds. Marketing and Textiles should be As. And of course Choir is an A. The main goal is to get my GPA up to a 2.5. It really needs to happen. Or else I'm technically not allowed to be in my major. So, I need to kick my ass for finals. Maybe I can pull off a B in Astronomy. Maybe. ..for some reason the Fall semester is always so much worse than the Spring.

So, this past weekend was Thanksgiving break. Thankfully, I so needed the break.

And also, my boyfriend visited the whole time of it, left earlier this afternoon.. always makes me incredibly sad when he leaves. We had a splendid time together though. The long distance part sure sucks, but it makes the time we do have together better. Except.. it would probably be that way all the time, because it's just how we are, but still.. seeing him after five weeks without him is delightful. Throughout the weekend we visited my family and his family, saw Quantum of Solace, chilled at U of L with the BFF Faith, played lots of Rock Band, dined on Spaghetti Factory with my roomie Rachel, enjoyed Qdoba, had some free frozen custard, played with kitties at PetSmart, ran around Half Price Books, other stuff, and enjoyed plenty of lazy and fun time together.

I miss him so much already.. hopefully this time next year he'll be here with me. Hopefully. The long distance sucks and I get through it, but I would obviously much prefer to be with him every day. When I'm away from him for so long.. I get clingy when I'm finally with him. Not clingy.. but I do like to pretty much constantly be near him during that time. I don't think he minds too much. I like to tell myself it won't be that when we're finally together on a daily basis. I'm pretty sure it won't be.. I'll let him do his thing.. I'll do mine.. it'll all be normal. No more crazy tiny little visits. I haven't been with my boyfriend in over a week or even a week since May of 2007 and he wasn't my boyfriend back then. No telling when normal will actually happen though.

Now, I have until the 16th. Only a few weeks.. I can handle that..

Well, I better get to sleep.. or else.. bad things will happen.. like sleeping through class. A have a few homework things to get done too. Later.

Pre-mature apartment hunting and ranting about gay marriage.

So, I'm bored, and I'm just going to write about a lot of stuff. Whee.

Lately, my friends are pushing me to get an apartment with them next year. I would absolutely love to. The only problem is the cost. If I could earn a lot of money this summer, I would be fine, but I doubt that is going to happen. The second option is my parents. An apartment, depending on where we get it, will be between 350 and 450 a month, which is not bad at all compared to the price to live on campus.. but I would have to convince my parents that this is a good idea. So far I'm working with, smaller meal plan, so much cheaper than the dorm, no parking pass, etc.. etc. We keep talking about it and it needssss to happen. We are looking at the Gables right now. Originally we were looking at College Suites, which is really nice, but about 75-100 dollars more. The Gables are fine. Furnished, only have 2 bathrooms, but since we are all roommates separately right now.. we could handle 2 bathrooms. And I like the kitchen set-up of the Gables.

My main reasons for wanting to live off-campus are:
1) I am going to be a freaking college senior, seniors don't live on campus.
2) I am going to be 21 and I don't want to sneak alcohol into my dorm like someone that is underage.
3) Cheaper, much cheaper than living on campus.
4) More meal options. I'm the type of person who will go out and buy something to specifically make for dinner. I love cooking.. and I would love to make my own dinner every night.
5) No checking people in.
6) After a long night at work, being able to come home, grab a beer, sit on my couch, and talk with my roommates before we all head to our respective rooms.
7) Hopefully my boyfriend will be here and I'll have my own room and stuff :P
8) Being able to decorate the apartment!

I could come up with so many more reasons, but I'll stop for now.

..originally I was going to rant about gay marriage after talking about that, but I don't know if I want to. Because, once I start, I don't know if I'll be able to stop. I will simply say this.. the Bible says the marriage is about love.. not EVERYONE believes what the Bible said.. banning gay marriage is like forcing everyone to believe what the Bible says. I'm a Christian, in the loosest way, and rather open-minded. Marriage is about love. You marry the one you love. Who are we to restrict people by forbidding them to marry the ones that they love? Straight, gay, bi, transsexual, whatever, it's all a choice. And marriage should be a choice. It IS a choice.. it is a huge decision that you make. And if someone who is gay wants to marry the one they love, then they should be allowed to do that. I still can't believe that Proposition 8 was passed in every state that it was proposed in, but alas, they are not going down without a fight. Which makes me happy. I hope they win. Marriage is not man + woman.. I want to punch people in the face that say that.

Here's the correct formula: Marriage = LOVE.

If I was ever debating gay marriage with someone and they threw out, "Marriage equals man plus woman," I would punch them in the face say, "Marriage equals love you dumbass," and kick them down, and spit on them..

This rant was inspired by a Dr. Phil commercial.. apparently he is having a debate about it.

So.. I'm gonna go now, do.. something.. probably just sit here.. but.. I'll just keep ranting if I don't stop.

Laterness blog world.

New Killers album!

I love my awesome boyfriend and his ability to scour the internet to see if things have leaked.. likeeee.. the Killers Day & Age! Which doesn't come out till next week, but I have right now, SQUEE! It is a pretty spiffy album.. and has me uber psyched for the concert on January 31st 2009! MORE EXCLAMATION POINTS! Haha. 2 months and 12 days away according to my little countdown thing on Facebook. YAY!

I closed at work tonight for the first time in God only knows how long.. and I didn't mind it that much. I'm convinced that as long as they let me run food or work the expo window at work, then I'll be okie-dokie. Cashiering and hosting is boring and my peppy mood quickly deflates. I wasn't even pissed off once tonight, mildly frazzled.. but not pissed off even once. Magical. I worked for 6 glorious hours. Yes, glorious hours, because I am poorrrrr. I close once more this week and have an early shift Saturday. And Thursday I've got a basic 5-8.

Only one week until I get to see the boyfriend for the first time in 5 weeks. 5 weeks is a bitch long of a time to go without seeing him. It will thankfully soon be over and we can enjoy 5 amazing days together.

Eww.. I smell like an ashtray.. because of work, if you walked by me.. you would think I was a smoker.. it gets in my hair blech.

This album is spiffity spiff.. omg I can't believe I am REALLY FINALLY going to a Killers concert.. I have wanted to go to one of their concerts since the first time they came to Louisville, they've been twice or thrice more since then. Now I am finally going to see them in Nashville, I am uber happy beyond words about that. Sure, my dad got extremely pissed about it.. butttt, I got my tickets and I'm going and I couldn't be happier about that.

School is coming to a close on the near horizon.. I get to see my boyfriend in a week.. Christmas is coming.. New Year's celebrations aren't far away (hopefully I get to celebrate them with the boyfriend).. 6 glorious weeks of winter break are soon.. and I'm going to see the Killers in the first week of the new school year. It looks like the next two months are going to be good times.

Now, is 2am.. and as soon as I finish listening to this lovely album.. is time for me to get some sleep, so that I don't sleep through class once again.

Various ramblings of late..

Oops.. I forgot to update.. I did get my car back, I had to cut a deal though.. give my dad 100 dollars for car insurance on the 20th (beginning in 10 days) of the month and 50 on the 10th (beginning in December). I also am not allowed to drive anywhere except to work and back and of course, to Louisville and back on days when I "need" to be home, key is need, not want. Like, I want to go home this weekend, because there is nothing for me to do here and I don't have work, however, my dad has forbidden it.

..so why am I risking everything to go to Louisville and not even tell him I'm coming back? It's my best friend's birthday and since I have nothing obligating me to Bowling Green this week, why shouldn't I be able to come home? Mostly because my dad is crazy, but I'm risking it, whatever.

Yeah, I'm tired of him. And no telling when I'll get out.. eventually.. at some point, whatever, I'll cut corners like this weekend until then.

Now, on to other things, like, how I probably won't graduate until Spring of 2011 if Mark Simpson doesn't let me into his Intro to Interactive class. Because I need that this Spring, then I need Interactive in the fall, and the Advanced Interactive class in the Spring. Sooooo, fingers crossed that I get into that class. The only positive part of me being here until Spring of 2011 is if my boyfriend returns to Western in the fall, then, of course, he'll be here until at least then and stuff.. and that will be good.. but, I don't really know about any of that. Anyway, I just hope that I can get in to the class. I think I can, but you never know.

My NEW schedule, modified like a jillion times.. looks like this.. hopefully.. but, I do have alternates for tomorrow morning at 5am.

Monday Wednesday Friday
JOUR300-001 9:10-10:05
SPAN102-003 10:20-11:15 [C]
MUS340-001 12:40-1:35
JOUR348-001 1:50-2:45 [C]

Tuesday Thursday
JOUR340-001 9:35-10:55 [C]
SOCL300-003 11:10-12:30
ENG200-022 12:45-2:05

[C] denotes closed.. so I have these alternates lined up
DMT333-001 MWF 11:30-12:25 [not blocking]
BCOM364-500 M 5:30-8:15 [not blocking]
JOUR343-001 MWF 10:20-11:15 [Spanish]
DMT322-001 TR 2:20-3:40 [not blocking]

So, on that.. I'm getting back to studying for Astronomy.. er, beginning to study for Astronomy.

OH! I forgot to mention.. I bit my tongue at some point last week and now my tongue is all tingly on one side.. and I looked at it yesterday and there is a distinct mark and bite mark.. it's bad times. I hope I didn't damage some nerves forever or something. That would suck.. I rather like my tongue..

My car and my life are gone.

I've had a car since I got my license when I was 16 and a half years old. The only time I haven't was my first year of college. The car I drove, I paid 600 dollars for, of my own money, none of his. I pay for the gas in that car, I pay for the maintenance in that car, everything about that car, with the exception of the insurance on a few occasions, I pay for.

I miss two of my insurance payments and my dad has to take the hit.. 200 dollars.. in two months.. what a hit. Oh wait, no it's not. I'm sorry dad, I'm going to school full-time, taking 16 credit hours and working whenever I can. But, my current employer has hired far too many people.. so, I'm getting two days a week.. in that time I may or may not accumulate 4 hours each of those days.. I'm getting less than 20 hours, in two weeks. The money that I do make, should immediately go to the bill, yes, I'm wrong there.. but when you're friends are like, we're gonna go see a movie.. wanna join? Or, let's go get dinner somewhere. ..how am I going to say no..? If I say no, my only other option would be to sit alone in my dorm room while everyone else goes out.. and I earned my money.. I want to spend it on stuff that I want. Like food with my friends.. but, apparently.. I'm not allowed to do that.

Since I can't work a full time job during school all the money I do make should be going into my car, every last penny. My parents shouldn't have to pay for anything more than school. I put the gas in my car, I buy the food that I eat, anything else, it's coming right out of me.. oh wait.. I just barely made 100 this pay period. Oh, well.. I guess you can just pay the car insurance. And that should be my mindset.. but I have a problem.. I do spend too much money, but going out with my friends sounds a lot more appealing than sitting alone in my dorm room.

But, that's going to become my life. I go to class.. I come back.. eventually I head out to dinner.. and that's it. I will have no money to go anywhere or do anything. That's how my dad has wanted it the whole time. I'm going to slip into depression.. I'll probably end up dropping out. He has no idea what it's like to be in an empty dorm room.. sleep alone every night.. spend time with just yourself all day.. well, yourself and all that wonderful homework.

I'll still see my boyfriend, but I'll no longer be able to do it on my own. He wants me to find someone closer, as if that's an easy thing to do.. oh, well, you live far away.. so.. yeah, can't do this. No, I love my boyfriend.. more than.. more than anything. Without him, I don't like to think of how my life would be. I wish he was here to hold me together right now, because I am completely falling apart. I want to move away from here and I want to be with him.. but I guess that isn't happening.. I have no job.. no car.. no life.

Oh, did I mention.. my aunt died on Friday afternoon. That's why I came home.. to be with her family in their time of need. I dropped everything to come here.. I called off work.. I called off presentations.. because I wanted to be with them in their time of need. My dad uses this situation to berate me to no end. I drank so much vodka on Friday night that I probably had alcohol poisoning, but I didn't care because I wanted to numb my pain.. I can't cope with death, so I used alcohol to just take away all feeling.

I did something stupid Saturday morning.. that's what was his final straw. I found out Wednesday that The Killers were playing Nashville in January.. I had to go.. I just had to.. I've missed them 3 or 4 times in Louisville and I just had to make it happen this time. So, I did it, I bought concert tickets. It was stupid, it was expensive.. but I just had to go. He finds out. Now, my car is gone. All gone.

The car I paid for with my own money.. the car I put gas in.. the car I pay for maintenance on. I miss two insurance payments and that's the end. It does not matter. None of it matters.

I'm not financially responsible.. let's just wave off the fact that my mom.. well.. I won't go there..

..maybe I'll find a way through this, I work so little right now that my roommate might let me borrow her car, then again, she won't always be on campus, and it isn't exactly dependable. No, I have no idea what I'm going to do. I never really want to see my dad again. I hate him more right now than I can bear to describe.

I'm gonna go.. none of what I said probably made much sense.. I don't know what to do right now.

..maybe I can work out a deal. But, I doubt it.. my life is over.