My car and my life are gone.

I've had a car since I got my license when I was 16 and a half years old. The only time I haven't was my first year of college. The car I drove, I paid 600 dollars for, of my own money, none of his. I pay for the gas in that car, I pay for the maintenance in that car, everything about that car, with the exception of the insurance on a few occasions, I pay for.

I miss two of my insurance payments and my dad has to take the hit.. 200 dollars.. in two months.. what a hit. Oh wait, no it's not. I'm sorry dad, I'm going to school full-time, taking 16 credit hours and working whenever I can. But, my current employer has hired far too many people.. so, I'm getting two days a week.. in that time I may or may not accumulate 4 hours each of those days.. I'm getting less than 20 hours, in two weeks. The money that I do make, should immediately go to the bill, yes, I'm wrong there.. but when you're friends are like, we're gonna go see a movie.. wanna join? Or, let's go get dinner somewhere. ..how am I going to say no..? If I say no, my only other option would be to sit alone in my dorm room while everyone else goes out.. and I earned my money.. I want to spend it on stuff that I want. Like food with my friends.. but, apparently.. I'm not allowed to do that.

Since I can't work a full time job during school all the money I do make should be going into my car, every last penny. My parents shouldn't have to pay for anything more than school. I put the gas in my car, I buy the food that I eat, anything else, it's coming right out of me.. oh wait.. I just barely made 100 this pay period. Oh, well.. I guess you can just pay the car insurance. And that should be my mindset.. but I have a problem.. I do spend too much money, but going out with my friends sounds a lot more appealing than sitting alone in my dorm room.

But, that's going to become my life. I go to class.. I come back.. eventually I head out to dinner.. and that's it. I will have no money to go anywhere or do anything. That's how my dad has wanted it the whole time. I'm going to slip into depression.. I'll probably end up dropping out. He has no idea what it's like to be in an empty dorm room.. sleep alone every night.. spend time with just yourself all day.. well, yourself and all that wonderful homework.

I'll still see my boyfriend, but I'll no longer be able to do it on my own. He wants me to find someone closer, as if that's an easy thing to do.. oh, well, you live far away.. so.. yeah, can't do this. No, I love my boyfriend.. more than.. more than anything. Without him, I don't like to think of how my life would be. I wish he was here to hold me together right now, because I am completely falling apart. I want to move away from here and I want to be with him.. but I guess that isn't happening.. I have no job.. no car.. no life.

Oh, did I mention.. my aunt died on Friday afternoon. That's why I came home.. to be with her family in their time of need. I dropped everything to come here.. I called off work.. I called off presentations.. because I wanted to be with them in their time of need. My dad uses this situation to berate me to no end. I drank so much vodka on Friday night that I probably had alcohol poisoning, but I didn't care because I wanted to numb my pain.. I can't cope with death, so I used alcohol to just take away all feeling.

I did something stupid Saturday morning.. that's what was his final straw. I found out Wednesday that The Killers were playing Nashville in January.. I had to go.. I just had to.. I've missed them 3 or 4 times in Louisville and I just had to make it happen this time. So, I did it, I bought concert tickets. It was stupid, it was expensive.. but I just had to go. He finds out. Now, my car is gone. All gone.

The car I paid for with my own money.. the car I put gas in.. the car I pay for maintenance on. I miss two insurance payments and that's the end. It does not matter. None of it matters.

I'm not financially responsible.. let's just wave off the fact that my mom.. well.. I won't go there..

..maybe I'll find a way through this, I work so little right now that my roommate might let me borrow her car, then again, she won't always be on campus, and it isn't exactly dependable. No, I have no idea what I'm going to do. I never really want to see my dad again. I hate him more right now than I can bear to describe.

I'm gonna go.. none of what I said probably made much sense.. I don't know what to do right now.

..maybe I can work out a deal. But, I doubt it.. my life is over.